Top 10 Suspicious X-Rays

Right, time for another Top 10. Today, it’s my Top 10 favourite x-ray images of stuff stuck in people. Pretty simple, doesn’t need much explanation, so let’s get stuck in (and then require an invasive medical procedure to remove us).

10. Good Vibrations?

In at number 10, here’s a woman for whom the excuse “I fell on it” probably won’t work too well. The only reason this particular x-ray isn’t higher on the list is because a sex toy is a pretty unimaginative thing to get stuck in you. She’s not even trying, so she’s number 10.

9. What Goes Up…

There are two reasons why I prefer this x-ray to Number 10; first, this time it’s a man and second, it’s been helpfully labelled. I’m wondering who added these labels, and why is the penis so clearly labelled while none of the other anatomical parts are? It’s like the labeller is revelling in the fact that this is a guy with a vibrator in his bum.

8. Candles In The Minge

This made the list because it’s awesome. I don’t know anything about it apart from that apparently it’s a candle stuck in a vagina. And to be honest, what more do you need to know than that?

7. It’s a BOY!

Another day, another sex toy. But this one’s an improvement on the last two images because, again, it’s a man, but this time the toy is bloody huge! And that’s not all. There is a video of this toy being… erm… ‘delivered’ from this poor guy’s pipe and in it there are around 15 nurses, doctors, surgeons and random by-standers with their cameraphones out recording the procedure. As soon as the (painfully wide) bottom of the dildo emerges into view one of the surgeons shouts “it’s a boy!” and they all fall over laughing. I decided not to link to it because it’s grosser than a gross thing. Oh, did I mention it’s also quite a cool image? No? Well it is.

6. Knob-End

Took me forever to work out what this was. I passed it round the office and someone finally guessed what it was, and then it was obvious. Do you wanna know? The answer’s below the image.

It’s a doorknob.

5. I’m Getting NO Reception in Here…

Yep, here’s the obligatory mobile-phone-in-the-arse x-ray. A blog like this wouldn’t be complete without this photo. Here’s an interesting fact; this x-ray is actually of a Brazilian convict who was trying to smuggle the phone into prison.

At first I was like, ‘smuggling, yeah right. Own up; you were playing with the vibrations and you know it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, just ‘fess up.’ And then I saw the x-ray of his girlfriend, who had a gun in her vagina. Yeah.

4. Changing Channels

Speaking of dubious excuses, this Chinese guy claimed that he’d got drunk and his buddies had played a mean trick on him by inserting a TV remote deep into his lower intestine. Again, I have my doubts about this excuse, and HIS girlfriend definitely didn’t have any weapons in her vagina.

3. Stabbed In The Back(side)

Staying in China for Number 3 on our countdown, this one isn’t so much cool and funny as it is worrying and vicious, but this is my list so shut up. This woman was mugged on the street and felt a slash across her arse. Four months later went to the hospital to investigate and they found this gert big knife in her buttocks. Wait wait wait… four months? Sure, imagine the waiting lists in Chinese hospitals are pretty monumental, but FOUR FUCKING MONTHS WITH A SIX INCH KNIFE IN YOUR JACKSY?

2. Aeros-hole Can

This photo is one of my all-time favourites. I like speculating as to what the can is. Suggestions are welcome, but I’m pretty sure it’s WD-40. Cool pic.

1. Seriously… What The Actual Fuck Were You Thinking Dude?

And in at Number 1, not just the weirdest x-ray of an anally inserted object I’ve ever seen, but probably also the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard anyone do to their poor, unwilling rectum. You might not believe this, but the image you’re looking at below is the result of a guy taking an industrial strength glue gun and squirting the contents inside himself, whereupon it set as hard as concrete and had to be surgically removed. Yes ladies and gentlemen, this is the first example I’ve ever heard of someone giving themselves a glue enema. Christ, this guy REALLY loves arts and crafts.

Here’s what they pulled out. A perfect mould of this guy’s anal canal. He should have just bought himself a Clone-A-Pussy.