Discipline & Restraint
Discipline (n.)
Early 13c., “penitential chastisement; punishment,” from O.Fr. descepline (11c.) “discipline, physical punishment; teaching; suffering; martyrdom.”
Can you guess what this word is, or where it's tattooed?
I’ve done a lot of things for which I should be punished. My recent history is populated with broken hearts, broken promises and broken beds – and when I say recent, I mean the last five or six years. My barely-controlled recklessness has made me friends and lost them, it’s made me feel good and it’s put me in hospital, it’s caused happiness and depression. But mostly happiness.
2012 is going to be a more disciplined year for me, in which I spend some time making money and
working hard to pay off the debts I’ve been avoiding since I was a student. I’m 27 this year, which means I’m young enough to start building an exciting future for myself, if I can show some restraint. (I’m hoping to avoid joining the 27 Club, but I can genuinely imagine myself choking to death on a strap on dildo or something. I’m half-expecting to die on a duel over a woman.)
For many months now I’ve wanted new tattoos, tattoos that advertise my gravitation towards a kinkier lifestyle, but I wanted to do it in a way that wouldn’t attract attention from those outside the BDSM community. I want kinky people to know I’m kinky, but I don’t want to rub it in the faces of those who aren’t. I would never do anything as crass as get handcuffs tattooed on my wrist, for example, because it’s not subtle. (I would, however, consider demanding that future long-term submissive partners get a lock tattooed somewhere discreetly on their body, the pattern of which fits a key tattooed on my body. But that’s just a little brainpuff for now.)
Therefore, I chose the word “discipline”. I can explain it to my parents as wanting to be more dedicated to my responsibilities, to my vanilla friends as an important part of the martial art I study, and to kinky friends as a way to express my own, ever-deepening attraction to sexual paths less travelled.
The (almost) finished product.
In 20 days’ time, I have will have the matching word “restraint” tattooed on the other foot, and the meaning is multifaceted exactly the same way; restraint is both a healthy quality, and a kinky one. I’ve chosen these two words extremely carefully, and they’re perfect. I had little flushes of adrenaline when I realised how perfectly ambiguous these words were, and how ideally suited they were to the manifold meanings that I wanted to express.
Here’s the artist at work. He had a hunch that the tattoos had a meaning related to SM, and he asked me if he was right. I couldn’t reply because I was too busy concentrating on not passing out.
Amazing concentration. He was fantastic actually. I look forward to seeing him again for Part 2.
Pain & Subspace
I cannot begin to explain the pain of this tattoo. It took a little over 1.5 hours – so I’m told, since I had no sense of time. I remember it all vividly, but not in any particular order. Time passed, but not for me. It was excruciating and when it was finished I was exhausted just from the sheer effort it takes to be in so much pain for so much time.
It was amazing. It felt incredible, perhaps the most intensely vivid sensation of my life. I consider myself to have a very high pain threshold, but this experience was a real challenge.
And I knew it would be. I knew it was masochistic, and I knew that it would take discipline and control to get through it: the process of getting tattooed is as symbolic as the tattoo itself.
Still, I wouldn’t recommend it unless you’re pretty certain you can tolerate the pain. I had a little crowd of people watching the process, one of the other tattoo artists and one of the patrons were closely watching, as were one or two potential customers. People were asking me questions, but I could only reply in the spaces when the artist re-inked his needle.
I'm going to ask him to make the spread of dots wider and the blend more gradual.
Posted on January 28, 2012, in Dom/sub, God I'm a fucking idiot sometimes, Kink, Not sex, Photos. Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.
Only you, John. Only you. And I admire you for it.
Which makes me wonder if there isn’t a slight masochistic tendancy deep inside you. If there is, I like it.
x
It’s not deep inside me at all; it’s very close to the surface. Don’t get masochism and submissiveness confused; enjoying pain doesn’t make me any less sadistic.
It makes you even more fascinating.
I have a question that might be completely stupid: do you view self-inflicted masochism the same way as you view pain given by someone else? It seems that both with krav and this tattoo you’re basically giving the pain to yourself but I wonder how you’d view someone else being in control of the pain you receive?
I can’t quite get this question right here. It’s very hard to get out what I mean, but I hope you get my drift and I don’t sound a complete idiot.
In all honesty this is too big a topic to tackle in a comment. I will address it in a full blog post soon – and I know exactly what you mean by your question because I think about it a lot.
Thanks!
Such an interesting…’pointillism’ technique – was that your idea? Are you worried that your ‘Restraint’ foot won’t match if you ask for a wider spread of dots?
As I said on Twitter – I’m in awe of you for getting this done! Next step, the page of Catch-22!
LP x
Yes it was. I like negative space design, and dots are more likely to last on the foot than conventional tattooing. Hurts more though.
Wow. That is quite a tattoo. And I love the manifold meanings behind the words. One question though – how the fuck did you get home?
I’m now a contender for Great Britain’s 400m Hop Olympic Team.
I think that deserves a nod of respect. *nods*
Awesome tat… And I can’t even begin to imagine how painful that must have been. Wow.
Thank you, nice to meet you and I’m glad you like the tattoo. It was extraordinarily painful, but ultimately harmless so I was able to control the instinct to run away.
Thanks again, I look forward to pouring over your blog… so to speak.
-JY
This tattoo is just plain brilliant. So unusual despite being quite simple and it seems to fit what you wanted so well. Plus, it looks beautiful. Love it.
By the way, that second picture with your feet up is amazing. From what little I know of taking photos, it looks like a hard shot to take, but it came out really, really well.
Thank you, and the photo was a total pain to shoot. I’m very happy with the result though.
Your tattoo and future tattoo are very nice. The concept is extremely beautiful. Personally, I find what the tattoo means to you and it’s location distractingly sexy. At least from a submissive point of view. I mean, how sexy is that, that it is your feet tattooed this way? When a submissive will kneel at your feet, kiss your feet in respect.. etc etc.. you catch my drift.
Also, your idea about a future long term submissive getting a lock tattoo and you a matching key, very nice.
*grins*
Thank you. I can’t wait to have a sexy little sub lick them.
x
Gorgeous. Love the placement and meaning. Huge kudos to you for sitting through it, and for so long, too. I absolutely cannot tolerate people touching my feet (interestingly enough, my feet being strapped or caned doesn’t bother me nearly as much as tickling) so I’m not sure I could do it.
Anyway, it’s awesome and I can’t wait to see the next one.