Sex is Stupid
Have you ever had a moment of realisation during sex? Have you ever, even for a moment, snapped out of your impassioned stupor and stepped away from yourself, and seen yourself from a different perspective, like a disapproving parent regarding their mischievous child’s chocolate-covered face?
When we have sex, we are ridiculous. We are grotesque and twisted and reckless and we don’t even know it. Only occasionally does our mind remove itself from the intoxicating pleasures of the body and we see ourselves in all our bizarre surreality, all legs and arms and grimacing faces, like a horrific cloning experiment. These moments of clarity are fleeting.
I treasure them. After sex, I often lie back and smile while I remember the moment when I suddenly came round for a few seconds, with my foot round the back of my neck, my elbow in my mouth and my pelvis twisted through 180 degrees – my partner similarly contorted – and in that moment, looking at myself from some other space, I think, “what the fuck am I doing?” Good sex is like an obscene game of Twister, in which the instructions are things like “left hand pillow, squat thrust, pull face like surprised goat licking vinegar off an electric fence.”
Because, when you think about it, when sex is done well, it’s because it’s done stupid. Sex is best when inhibitions are shed, when you do things you would never normally do, say things you would never normally say, pull faces like you’re walking over hot coals and try harder than usual not to break wind.
These moments of sudden lucidity during sex are like drinking yourself sober. You drink and you drink and suddenly you realise that you’re drunk and acting like a tit. You have sex and have sex, and suddenly you realise you’re having sex and acting like a tit.
And the best part is, in both cases, you don’t care. You just smile and carry on.
Posted on June 23, 2012, in Fun stuff, Sex. Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.
my opinion?
Good sex is not pretty. It’s ugly, consuming, raw. It is obscene, twisted, laughable. It’s sweat and fluid and breath- and afterwards, wondering if you smell bad, confessed your dirty darkest fantasies, embarrassed yourself with your movements. Or, the horror- worry is if it was as good for the partner(s).
I sometimes wonder what a group of hypothetical cosmic anthropologists would make of it all, if they were to invisibly observe as we have sex. From a completely objective perspective, I’m sure it must look like we’re fighting.
Thanks for the comment!
x
Once, a friend found out about a sexual relationship I was having with someone he knew and he said, “God, you guys would look ugly fucking!”
To which I retorted, “Yeah, well… that’s why your orgasms are still from your hand.”
There is a reason sex is referred to as “doing the nasty.”
I’m not sure if it’s even possible to have beautiful sex anyway. I need to investigate, but sex is too bizarre to be pretty.
xx
“Have you ever had a moment of realisation during sex?”
Every. Single. Time.
I fucking love, adore, revel in the ridiculousness and intensity and sheer stupidity of sex. And I am always aware of it. Which is why, as soon as I’ve come, I tend to let it out and giggle like an idiot.
Ah… what a wonderful thing.
Also, this is pure poetry… “pull face like surprised goat licking vinegar off an electric fence”.
Fucking great GREAT piece. I’m putting you in my sidebar.
The truth is, I probably wouldn’t have posted this if it wasn’t for the goat line. I always write stuff like this and never post it because it doesn’t usually contribute anything to anyone, but that goat thing really made me smile when I wrote it so I posted on the strength of that sentence alone.
Thanks for the comment, Harpsichord.
xx
Or… you know… I would, if you weren’t already in my sidebar. (For a moment you were there twice.)
As frank zappa said (when he was alive) everybody looks stupid when they fuck.
Now I’m off to practise my goat/vinegar/electricity face.
You really didn’t need to parenthesise “when he was alive.” I don’t think he’s said very much of note since he died. He lost a lot of focus since they buried him. And good luck with the face. The trick is not to practice, but to try to catch yourself doing it when you’re not looking.
-JY
There have been moments when I’ve caught myself in the mirror during sex. When I’m in flagrante delicto as such, I’m so absorbed in the moment that any thoughts of how ridiculous I may look aren’t really floating through my head without any visual stimuli, but there have been, every now and again, some form of reflective surface – a mirror, as I’ve said, or a dark window – something that casts a reflection.
I kind of like looking at my reflection during sex. Only for a moment – just confirm it’s actually happening. But I must admit that my first thought is always something along the lines of “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!”
Thank you for writing that! I’m forever telling people that sex is funny, we LOOK funny when we’re having sex. Yes, it can be deep & meaningful, healing, loving, transformational, mind blowing, etc, but we all look silly and not at all graceful during it. If we’ve really given ourselves over to the moment, to the passion, then *of course* we look stupid. When we’ve finally quit caring what we look like and are absolutely in the moment we’re probably having the best sex ever!
Oh, and I loved the goat comment. =)
i like you stupid.
quite like goats too. i’m not so good with windows. but i know that’s just stupid of me… -x-